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Look out for that diaper!

July 09, 2014 The Wine Time Dad 0 Comments Category :

I'm not sure when or why this little game started but my wife and I used to throw our baby's diapers at eachother if, you know, the target was in range. If we weren't in range, it was totally acceptable to innocently ask the other to "Come in here for a sec.." As soon as they entered the room, they were fair game. What am I saying? Used to? No, we still play this game every now and again. In fact, now that our daughter is old enough and understands simple commands, it's fun to tell her to bring her diaper to whomever is not changing her. Of course, if the diaper is given to me, then it promptly gets thrown back at my wife.

The longer this game (or habit- whatever you want to call it) went on, the more we would add to it. For example, if a diaper was thrown particularly hard, we would assess the "splat" value of it's wall hit. The splat value increased depending on how much liquid the diaper held. Lightly soiled diapers tended to float through the air and bounced of walls or faces. Heavily soiled diapers would make a heavier thump against a solid object and just drop. They also would leave a wet mark on the wall, the back of your shirt or your face if the aim was good. Sometimes they hurt. The most heavily soiled diapers exploded open on contact with any object so long as they were thrown hard enough.

As you navigate the waters of this new and unknown game, you can try more things when you become more comfortable. You could try the no look throw, the between the legs, the jump spin chuck, or the catch and throw (extra points for that- just remember that the taped up diaper loses its integrity with every toss). When you've become familiar enough with this game, you can try sneak attacks. Like asking some mundane question to your spouse, while he/ she is in another room to gauge their exact location, and when you think you've located them, throw a diaper as hard as you can at a deflecting surface for a hit. Kudos to you if they come to clarify what you said and your deflected shot hits them in the face before they finish their question.

I think the only rules we've ever applied to this game were/ are to never throw a poopy diaper too hard, lest it explode all over the place, and never throw an open diaper (although the closed dump diaper may have happened more than once, but never with a full load- just some berries). Other than that, you're fair game.

The only time this game probably should not be played, and I'm sure this goes without saying, is when your significant other is in a bad mood. Especially, if it's your wife/ gf who's having the "off" day... As a guy, it's probably never a good idea to whip a heavily leaky diaper at your spouse when you're unsure as to how she may react. Most certainly it's not a good way to "lighten the mood" if you can see the storm clouds above her head, but if her mood is neutral or she greets you with a smile, smack her in the teeth with a post nap nappy.

Now, if I'm to be the victim of these attacks, you can probably get away with it no matter what mood I'm in. I may rage at the projectile full of urine in the heat of the moment, especially if I've had an off day, but you can expect one to be thrown thrice as hard, later. All with a maniacal grin on my face! Definitely a good way to clear up the proverbial storm clouds if the shoe is on the other foot.

Anyways, there are a number of ways this game can be played and even though it's basic and gross, it's always fun. I suggest you test these waters and see where it takes you.

Well, there it is folks- my rare relationship advice for America's birthday month. If you haven't tried the diaper throw, get on it! Just don't knock over someone's beverage or you will have garnered a personal foul... That is bad form.