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The 13 month monster

April 09, 2014 The Wine Time Dad 0 Comments Category :

*** After being home for a couple of weeks from an awesome vacation, I noticed my 13 month old daughter and I were hitting some turbulence settling back into our routine... I decided to have a sit down with her to find out what was going on. As you can imagine, the conversation was pretty one-sided.. Mostly because she's still a baby and also because she's a girl. Anyways, this is what she had to say. I apologize for the roughness of this post.. I translated it from the "primate language" that my daughter is only capable speaking.*** 

Hi, I'm 13 months old and I'm slowly becoming an "average" terror for the stay-at-home big person.

Currently, my favorite thing to do is pull all the "bendy" and "clangy" things I can get my hands on out of all the "holes" in the room where the food is. Once the "holes" are empty, I scream into them because some funny sounds comes back out.

I get a little frustrated when that bigger "person" puts the "bendy" and "clangy" things back. I often have to shove it/ him/ her out of the way in order to immediately pull them back out. Unfortunately, the number of things I like to pull out does not exceed my interest in pulling them out. So I often have to leave the room to go find those two little holes in the wall that are always side-by-side. When I find them, the big "person" always comes at me really fast with a "NO! NO! NO!" sound coming out of the hole in its "face". It makes me laugh until I realize that I really want to touch the holes and put things in them... Then I fall on the ground and cry. The big person makes a "ha ha" sound with the hole in his "face".

I throw things. Especially the big "wooden" "shapes". I throw them at the big person when it/she/ he is not "looking". Or, when it/he/ she closes the "lookers" on his/her/ its "face"- I "sneak" up on it/him/ her and watch for a little while. Then I smash the big person's "face" to make him/her/ it move again. I run away when it/ he/ she moves. Hee hee!

I don't like getting my "diaper" changed. I always try to escape or yank on "my parts". When the smelly stuff is down there, I put my "hands" in there and try to grab the "diaper" before the big "person" stops me. We have so much fun when the smelly stuff gets out of the "diaper" and gets everywhere. The big person starts making loud noises and stomps around. His/ her/ its face changes a different color and my "lookers" get really big.

I throw my food when I don't want to eat. Sometimes I get so excited my food comes back out of my "tummy". I like to play with it because it's warm and "slimey".

Recently, I like to open and shut things. If it's open, I have to close it. I don't know why. Sometimes I shut myself in the dark. So I cry. The big "person" always comes to get me and I smile. Then I shut the door again and I cry again. I sometimes hurt myself when I shut doors and the big person comes over and more sounds come out the hole in his/ her/ its "face". The big "person" always opens everything I shut and closes the things I open. It's confusing but we keep playing that game. Then I close something on my "fingers" and the game is over.

Lastly, I don't like to close my "lookers" for too long when the two big people put me in the dark room at the end of the "day". When they come into the room to close their "lookers", I open mine and scream at them. Sometimes I close my "lookers" for a long time and we all open them up together when a new "day" comes. Everyone is happy! Ha ha! But, then I don't do this again for many days..

***I'm so glad we got that cleared up. Now where did I put that wine bottle opener?***