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I'll get married, if I can claim it.

February 04, 2014 The Wine Time Dad 0 Comments Category :

Yup.. That about sums it up.
I'm anti-tradition to a fault. I'm also anti-establishment. Anti-religion. Anti-non-religion. Anti-intelligentsia (because I'm a wannabe). Anti-politics. Anti-anti.

But, I am pro-iconoclast.

I buck everything. Not because I know better or because I'm an outsider, even though sometimes I am, I just don't know any better. I feel it's better to be skeptical of everything, and be in the dark, rather than be gullible.

Problem is, nowadays I get distracted from the pursuit of knowing by fatherly duties. Or, the flashing lights on TV... So an anti-everything curmudgeon I shall remain.

Coincidentally or not, I also felt this way about the establishment of marriage, and still do to an extent. What seems to be a deeply personal decision gets convoluted and twisted in the public arena to mean something else, depending on your social circle. For most it's about love but there are other pressures attached to it: a debt crushing party, guest lists, decoration decisions, a lifetime of familial visits (that sap your bank account when you rather travel elsewhere), expectations, religious obligations (if you swing that way), a mortgage, dad bod, etc.

Wasn't this about love?

Separated from all its social and political (and religious) meaning, it is a grand idea. Two people pledge themselves to eachother for all eternity, till death do you part. Or, you know, until being together becomes a hazard to your health. The idea of a smitten couple making the "we'll trudge through life together" sort of vow makes me horny. In the past, when I thought of making the proposal to my gf, that also made me horny. Hell, just saying "I love you" to her gets me hot..

Whew! tangent over.

Yes, all the idealism and propaganda that various sociality foists upon the institution of marriage makes me feel like picking my nose and moving on. I wanted no part of it and still don't. I don't care about gods, political agenda, facts/ figures, or even family expectations. My relationship with my wife has nothing to do with all that noise (a lengthy and sophomoric rant found here). You dig?

Now, before you criticize me, crying, "hypocrite", I'll admit it: I am a hypocrite. But, only on the internet. I would never be a hypocrite to your face. It's also true that I'm married, but I love my wife and wanted to be with her- past the foreseeable future. Adding that extra stamp of public sanction was necessary to make our lives easier. Apparently, you can't just say that you're going to be with this or that person for life and receive all the benefits inherent within that mutual agreement. You have to pay an outsider to give you those rights...

Also, I secretly desire having massive amounts of positive and adoring social media attention directed at me for short periods of time- before I fade back into the crowd. Public wedding ceremonies, with professional done pictures, are good for that. You become the center of attention, for a few hours, and then everyone goes on their merry way.

Furthermore, just so you don't think me a complete utilitarian, I'll admit that I'm sentimental- especially when under the influence. I do have a bit of that idealism about long-term partnerships. The strengths of "the pair" as opposed to "the one". The idea that two lovebirds can compliment eachother so much that they feel it necessary to have a legally binding contract, is somehow eternal and pure. It's also more practical and meaningful, yet less visible than a tattoo.

Lastly, I didn't want to keep swimming around the aether, like some errant sperm, darting after this egg or that egg. No, I saw something else on the horizon for me. A final egg, so to speak- the Egg of eggs, and everyday I'm delighted by the happy anticipation I feel for the future. That's why I got married. Because my wife is one hell of an egg! Ah... No. That doesn't sound like an attractive metaphor at all. Well, maybe you get my drift.

Just a clarification
(This post is in response to an earlier post, here, so that people don't get the idea that I find marriage abhorrent. I really don't find marriage abhorrent, per se, just a lot of the cultural expectations behind it. So, while I feel that the earlier post was relevant to feelings I used to have about marriage, it was just a juvenile persona that I was taking on to make a point...  I suppose I should've tried harder to explain myself without all the vitriol. Unfortunately, deleting it is not an option because I spent too much time writing that mediocre post)