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My what human teeth you nearly immortal elves from the primordial darkness have..

November 10, 2013 The Wine Time Dad 0 Comments Category : , , , , ,

Show me your pearly whites!

I sometimes find it difficult to delve into the fantasy world of all the new Marvel movies that come out these days. It’s not because I’m a pretentious film critic who just can’t enjoy an expensive flashy fluff film. I most certainly can. Especially if the sci-fi part of it is clever enough to throw me headfirst into the fantasy of the film, or if the action is kicks ass and the dialogue, clever. That being said, the science doesn’t have to be correct, it just has to sound convincing. You know? 

But, when you start throwing in “dark elves”, who, according to the fictional world of Thor, existed before the universe began and have clearly defined [human] racial features, I get pulled a little back a little bit from the fantasy. Also, I start to get the distracted leg shakes when those elves have other very human features like human faces, appendages, and white square teeth.

Yeah, I don’t know why I focused on the teeth in Thor but all the sudden there they were, staring me in the face. I couldn’t help but wonder how those dark elves would’ve evolved such homosapien-like features. If they were from a time before the universe had evolved into its present baryonic state, then why would they look like that? Wouldn’t they look like something else? Perhaps like species 8472 (Startrek Voyager)? Anyways, I start thinking of what environmental influences a dark matter world/ universe would have that would cause them to evolve varying skin tones. And if they had teeth, why would those teeth have evolved to look exactly like ours? Their ancestors must also have used their teeth for grinding cooked meat and plant matter. Is there very little difference between plants and animals in a dark universe and ours?

Hold on..I’m starting to get an image of plants from a dark matter universe… I can almost give them shape…

Nope. No, I can’t. I can’t see how they’re made of dark matter, converting dark photons in a dark photosynthesis, because it’s dark. So, I can’t see them anymore. 

I’m not going to presume to give shape to the [possible] darkness before the Big Bang and the current manifestation of the universe. Nor would I define something as unknown and ephemeral as dark matter/ energy (known as the aether in the newest Marvel incarnation), but wouldn’t an environment like that evolve species that didn't look [almost] exactly like us? Wouldn’t they look far more alien than human?

Unless, the human form is not only the archetypal form for all advanced intelligence but also the most versatile form. In that, by nature tweaking it this way or that, it can survive in any environment but still retain its human shape. The latter seems far more plausible than the former, but the square white teeth and varying skin tones still bother me (if they lived in the primordial darkness, what need for skin pigmentation?).

Now, I know you’re going to say, “For fuck’s sake, DC Daddy-o, it’s just a comic book movie. Use your imagination!” You’re right, it is just a movie, and my imagination has taken the helm. But, even my imagination sometimes says, "WTF?" I’m looking into it far too much and maybe my imagination is being corrupted by what little science I do knowBut, as a reader of [only some] epic/high fantasy and a fan of Star Trek (most of its incarnations), I expect more from my fiction.

I expect my writers to really delve into their fantasy and flesh out how things work in their worlds and why people look the way they do. I don’t mind that the human form always finds its way into stories. It is the form we’re most familiar with and it’s easier for us to identify with the human form, but many authors go to great lengths to describe where the human form came from and how they came to be (I’m thinking of Steven Erickson here). And, hey, no one is going to give you shit when a you write in a god or gods that just make(s) things the way they are. Tolkien and Jordan, for example, did that… As long as that’s what we’re going with, fine. Count me in.

However, please trick me. Wow me. Convince me that the fantasy works. Don’t have the Asgardian people, who are vastly more intelligent, powerful and long lived sound like bumbling jocks around their [lesser] human counterparts. Give them a culture and technology that sets them apart from humanity... I mean, for such advanced beings, their all too human (and not so advanced intelligence) also pulls me so far back I start thinking of my fiance in a nice piece of lingerie. I walk out of the theater longing for the aloof and mystical yet wise elves of Middle Earth. They made such better immortal beings than Thor and his lot who just seem more like humans with magical weapons.

Could I be accused of wanting more of an interpretation, or some poetic licensing, maybe? Absolutely. You might say, “Hey Wine Time guy, that’s what was in the comic. They’re just being faithful to the subject material.” You’re right and I’m wrong. I accept that. I guess you can only go so far with the subject matter. I just think that even the non-nerd fans can see through the plot. Unless you're my finacĂ© who was more impressed with Hemsworth's body and sucked in by all the pretty colors and explosions.


I’m done trashing the new Thor movie. Actually, my intent was not to trash it, just bring up how the all too human teeth struck me as out of place on the near immortal species from the pre-universe. Maybe certain fantasy just doesn’t work with me anymore because I’ve outgrown the magic I used to enjoy as a young'in. Maybe I expect the line between fact and fiction to be more subtly interwoven and not so glaringly abrupt.

Whatever.. It was still a good distraction with lots of action, dramatic slow-motion scenes, pretty colors and Natalie Portman. 

Until next time…